DAD GOES TO CHURCH

Today was an historic day for me. After forty something years of living and dreaming of this day, it finally happened. My dad went to church.

Ever since I received Christ as my Savior at the age of 9 while attending church with my cousins, I always prayed and dreamed of our family going to church together; me, my brother Mark, and my mom and dad. I remember begging them time after time to go with Mark and me, but they always refused. As each birthday approached, my birthday request was for us to go church together. It never happened.

Later, when my parents divorced, I knew that dream was dead. But it would still be nice to be able to worship the God of all creation in some way shape or form with my parents. I knew the transforming power of His love, and I wanted them to know that too. It wasn’t so much that they had to go to church to experience that, but it seemed like a good start.

In 1989, part of that prayer was answered. My mom, after years of struggling with alcohol and prescription drug addiction, gave her heart to Jesus and was completely transformed. It was a wonderful twelve years of sharing our growing and deep faith together, and worshipping together at church with Mark, my sister-in-law Lea Ann, and my nieces. Then in 2002, mom died after a brief battle with ovarian cancer. Her death was easier to bear because of her unwavering faith. It was an incredible journey together.

During those years, my dad struggled with his own demons. As much as we all tried to share our faith with him, He just wasn’t interested in spiritual matters. Eventually, his life settled down, however, he began to become more and more withdrawn from family and friends. We began to suspect dementia, and our fears were confirmed this past year when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. During his most lucid moments, my brother has shared matters of faith with him, but dad, a headstrong, independent and prideful man, has continued to resist.

Dad began living with Mark and Lea Ann a few weeks ago, and when Sunday mornings rolled around, he had no desire to accompany them to church. He simply wasn’t interested. But this week, something changed.

Karl and I happened to be in Oklahoma this weekend for a wedding and stayed with Mark and Lea Ann and dad. So this morning, as he and I were standing in the kitchen, I casually asked him if he’d like to join us for church, fully expecting a resounding “no”. He surprised me by saying, “yeah, I’ll go, it’ll be good for me to go to church.”

I steadied myself as to not pass out. “Great” I said, and then the fear set in. How would he act? Would he be okay during Mark’s Sunday school class? What if he heckled Mark while he was teaching? Would he do something inappropriate? And then I stopped myself. I wanted to enjoy this moment. Dad was going to church.

And here’s the funny thing; he actually seemed to enjoy it. He was engaged, clapped during the worship time (in rhythm even) and sang along at times. He laughed at the pastor’s jokes and nodded his head from time to time. Words can’t adequately describe how it felt to sit next to my dad in church.

As our family tries to deal with the things that dad’s disease robs from him, here’s something it’s given him, and us; time together doing things we never thought he would do. And it’s my prayer that as dad continues to become more childlike, that God will break through the adult walls that he has spent his life building, and that He will capture his heart.

“I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3

Runnin' Ragged

It's been one of those weeks. Too many pans in the fire, don't know if I'm coming or going, wondering how I will get it all done. Ministry can be like that.

But I thank God for the experiences He has taken me through which allow me to know.....this too shall pass. God is always faithful, and when I'm feeling the most worn down, spaced out, and all revved up at the same time, He comes in with His still, small voice and says "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." And all of a sudden I can exhale, knowing all the while it's so true. He IS God.

I'm so glad.

What's Your Conflict Management Style?

I'm apologizing in advance for the length of this post, but by request, I'm sharing an excerpt of a seminary paper on the evolution of my conflict management style....



As early as I can remember, conflict has been a very present reality in my life. I grew up in a home where my parents had continuous conflicts and arguments. In fact, our entire extended family sometimes seems to revolve around conflict. In many ways arguing has been the glue that has held our family together. Loud debates, arguments and competitions have always characterized our family gatherings, and frankly, there have been two sides to this dynamic. On one hand, it’s all part of the fun and games of family togetherness. To survive in the Cox family, one must develop a “tough skin”, and being able to present one’s perspective requires great strength, fortitude and volume. On the other hand, there have been serious estrangements within the family because of the lack of conflict management skills. Many have walked away wounded from the battle and have been unable to resolve their hurts and differences.


As I was growing up, all conflicts within our family were “won” by my dad, who mostly used compelling or forcing behavior to ensure his way prevailed. Intimidation was his standard practice and so in my earliest years, avoidance and accommodation became my style to prevent my dad’s tirades. What ensued as my brother and I got older however was increased anger between my brother and me that resulted in many conflicts and arguments, even when they weren’t necessary. I often sought to negotiate and persuade my brother to be reasonable and work together to solve our conflicts, but he was mostly unyielding and unwilling and frequently sought to model my dad’s intimidation techniques. Not much got resolved between us, and often our conflicts became very emotional and physical.

My parents divorced right after my senior year in high school and interestingly, in the following years, I developed a real passion to have a deeper understanding of what makes people tick and why they behave as they do. I minored in psychology in my undergraduate work, and began to develop improved skills in conflict management. I became more self aware that I really didn’t like conflict, but I also wasn’t intimidated by it any longer. To me, a mutual understanding and resolve could always be achieved when two people were willing to be reasonable and have a deeper acceptance of one another. It was at this point, I believe, that I began to adopt a strong collaboration style of conflict management.

God’s word has also greatly helped to shape my conflict management style. Consider the following scriptures:

· “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

· “Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” 2 Corinthians 13:11

· “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” Hebrews 12:14

· “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:17-19

Particularly when I consider the ministry of reconciliation that we have been given, I am compelled not only in my own life to live reconciled with Christ and with others, but I feel a high calling to facilitate in the lives of others reconciliation with Christ and with one another.

Over the years, I believe I’ve learned an important principle about conflict; that is, there is not always a right side and a wrong side. A great scriptural example of this occurs in the story of Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15. After traveling extensively together sharing the gospel and seeing many lives changes, they came into sharp disagreement. Scripture tells us that as a result of this conflict, they parted ways. However, in this situation God used both parties to continue his work. I don’t believe God is always primarily concerned about who is right and who is wrong; He cares about the condition of our hearts as we face conflict with one another. A heart yielded to Him can continue to be used despite circumstances, but an embittered heart is rendered useless.

On a deeper and more personal level, I have experienced the definitive conflict failure; divorce. During the terribly unwanted separation and divorce of my first marriage, I was constantly asking myself, “How can God be glorified in this?” I struggled, too often focusing on the right and wrong in the situation, and how in the world my husband could do the things he did. I continually tried to manage the conflict, without success, but was confident all the while that God would ultimately reconcile the relationship. He didn’t. We didn’t.

But what I have seen is that God has redeemed my life. Though I felt as though I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death, God brought me through to a land “flowing with milk and honey” (Exodus 3:8);” to a life immeasurably more than I could ever have asked or imagined.” (Ephesians 3:20) Certainly our situation was not the ideal conflict resolution, but God in His sovereignty has redeemed it.

Ultimately, conflict is not something to be avoided, but if we are emotionally mature and yielding to God, it can be an incredible opportunity for growth, reconciliation and redemption in our lives.

Get Real

This weekend I am giving a talk about body image at the Get Real women's conference. Thought I'd share an exerpt from this talk:

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, but this temple is outwardly wasting away. It’s the inward that is being renewed and it is the part we should pay careful attention to. The inward should direct the outward, not the other way around. Too often, we allow our outward bodies to determine who we are or how we feel. We focus on our imperfections and we allow this to produce:

· self hatred

· self fixation

· lack of confidence

· inability to live out our calling

This should not be! In his amazing book, The Gift of Being Yourself, David Benner says this:

"Unless we spend as much time looking at God as we spend looking at our self, our knowing of self will simply draw us further into an abyss of self-fixation.” I must say, that is the thing that motivates me most to continually work toward overcoming this “thorn” of a poor body image. Because when I am in my most miserable battles with it, I am totally fixated on me. How sinful and selfish of me! God does not call me to be self fixated. The two most important things that Jesus has reiterated are these:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-38

We cannot love God and love others when we are fixated on self flagellation!

So how do we combat this? I would offer two ways:

1. We concentrate on knowing God.

2. We concentrate on knowing what God says about US.

Both of these involve the practice of spiritual disciplines, especially being in God’s word daily. I want to offer you some scriptures that will help you right away today to know what God says about you and how He feels about you.

"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." Psalm 45:11

Did you get that? The KING of KINGS and Lord of Lords is enthralled with your beauty! You are a daughter of the King and that is what gives you your worth. Not some shallow expectation from a lost and dying world; a world where the Prince of Darkness runs rampant and has been given full reign to reek havoc. He wants nothing more than to destroy God’s beloved and will use any means available to him. Don’t buy into his schemes.

“The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

“Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings.” Psalm 17:8

Knowing that God, the creator of the universe, takes great delight in me and has me as the apple of His eye overshadows any low opinion I might be tempted to have of myself. God trumps Laurie every day of the week. And He trumps you too.

Junk in my trunk

I was reminded last night of the power in sharing the “junk” of our lives. I was doing some teaching at church, and there’s always a section in this class where I get pretty transparent and share what I’ve come to term “the year of the valley of the shadow of death” in my life. That year included rejection, betrayal, divorce, and death. It was pretty nasty. And as much as I am grateful for what God did in my life and has done since then, it’s not really that pleasant to revisit the pain.

But here’s the thing: I’m convinced that revisiting and sharing this pain is essential to the purpose for which God has called me. Check this out:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

See, during that devastating time, I was truly able to experience the “God of all comfort”. If I never spoke of that pain again, how would I ever be able to comfort anyone else with the comfort I received from Him? I never know who in the crowd might need to hear my story. And there was someone last night who did. It brings great joy to be able to encourage and bring hope to someone who is suffering.

So I will continue to share my junk. Why? Because:

· Sharing our junk makes us real people.

· Sharing our junk empowers others to persevere through theirs.

· Sharing our junk and the healing we’ve received glorifies God.

And each time I share my junk, it becomes a little more like treasure.

Throwin' it off

This has been a rough winter. I moved to Sioux City in 2003 and this is by far the longest, coldest, snowiest and darkest season I’ve experienced. And it’s only February! Since my blog centers around a running theme, and the Hebrews 12:1-2 scripture, I’ve been reflecting on how very much this winter has been hindering me from what I love, running. I’ve allowed the snow piles, cold, ice and darkness in the early a.m. hours to stifle me. So the other day, I decided to throw off all that was hindering and entangling me. I layered up, put on my running spikes and went for it; six miles in the cold and snow covered sidewalks and trails. It was exhilarating! And it made me wonder, “Why have I been allowing this stuff to weigh me down?” I felt a real freedom out there, and determined I’m not letting the elements hold me back any longer.

My life parallels my running. I allow sin and my flesh to stifle me. It weighs me down and keeps me from doing the things I’m called to do. I make excuses, and sure they sound reasonable, but in the end, they are just excuses. And these things hinder me from God’s best; they entangle me and keep me from running the race that has been set before me. So today, I’m throwing it off, confessing it to God and allowing His grace and forgiveness to free me from the wrapped up mess that keeps me from the race.

I feel a run coming on.

Recently I've been reading lots of Old Testament. Ok, I'll admit it, it's been a requirement in one of my seminary classes. Just today I read 1 and 2 Chronicles in one sitting. I gotta say, reading such a large passage at once gives me a whole new perspective, and God really has been speaking to me through this process.

One of the things that really stood out to me today is in 2 Chronicles chapter 20. Jehoshaphat (Judah's king) is being confronted with war from the Moabite and the Ammonites. Alarmed at the vast army that is coming against them, he is “resolved to inquire of the Lord” and “he proclaimed a fast for all Judah.”

After really looking at this passage, I observed five things that Jehoshaphat did in response to this threat:
1. He resolved to inquire of the Lord (verse 3)
2. He called a corporate fast (verse 3)
3. He acknowledges God’s sovereignty (verses 6-9)
4. He admitted their powerlessness and turned their eyes upon God (verse 12)
5. Worshipped and praised the Lord (verses 18-19)

It seems to me that this response is one that we can take to heart and glean much wisdom from when we are facing insurmountable odds in our own lives.

God has truly been speaking to my heart much in the last 30 days about fasting, and the fact that, generally speaking, as Christians we don’t often inquire of the Lord with fasting, especially corporately. Why is this? As I've been reading through the OT passages, the number of times that fasting is mentioned just leaps from the pages. It’s not that I haven’t practiced the discipline of fasting in my own life at times, but fasting for God’s people was a regular accompaniment of prayer, particularly in matters of great importance.

So what’s keeping us from this seemingly lost discipline? Anyone?